End of an Era

I will no longer be blogging at this location.  If you would like to continue to follow our family's journey, you can do so at my new blog The Thoughtful Mom.  Thank you for all of your love and support.  The first year was a blast!

Turning One!

We did it!  We survived our first year of raising triplets and everyone came out on the other side in one piece.  Phew!  Ryan and I are still living in different states for the next couple of weeks, but we reunited the whole Manning clan to celebrate the babies' first birthdays.  Violet and I hopped on a jet plane in Colorado Springs and flew all the way to Louisville for the event.  Violet did so well on the plane.  We had a layover going both ways, so she took 4 flights total.

For three of the four flights I was fortunate enough to end up with an empty seat beside me.  This was an absolute blessing because it gave us a little play space when she wasn't sleepy.  The other flight?  Yikes!  We were in the back corner next to the window with a 6'5" man wearing a cowboy hat in the center row and a 300 pound man sitting in front of us who decided to recline his seat.  The sheer weight of this man caused him to creep another 3 inches into our space.  Let's just say it was a bad flight.  30 minutes of screaming before she finally fell asleep and then I was too pinned in to even get to my book under the seat in front of us.  On the other three flights, though, she was just a dream.

When we arrived in Louisville, Ryan came to pick me up with Lincoln and Keira.  I was expecting lots of excitement, screaming, and giggles as the kids saw each other again.  I really wanted to film it.  To be honest, I'm glad I didn't.  I was pretty disappointed with the lukewarm reception.  Keira got a little excited when she saw me, but that was about it.  People are always asking me what it was like when they saw each other again, and I'm considering making up a better story.  I guess I should just be pleased that there was no stranger danger.

First few moments together.  Stealing food from each other.

The trip to Louisville was a two day whirlwind.  Since our home is still under renovation, we decided we would take the kiddos to the zoo for the morning as their birthday celebration.  We only invited family and the crowd was relatively small.  We didn't do anything fancy, just walked around the zoo for a bit and enjoyed the company of our dearly missed family.  We ate lunch at the zoo, saw a couple more animals and headed home.  The day was exactly what I wanted it to be.  Easy and focused on family.  Even Ryan's 84-year-old Granny endured the heat with us!

Arrived at the zoo ready to party!

Meeting up with Granny at the zoo.  Lincoln says, "Nice wheels, Granny!"

Lincoln getting snuggled by his cousin.  

More cousin snuggles.

My brother and his little girl pushing Violet, Lincoln, and Keira.

The Manning crew.

Ryan and my brother off-roading with Granny.  Best pic of the day!

Ryan's dad with his granddaughter.  

Manning family photo!

Leaving the zoo for the day.

So, I realize this wasn't the birthday party a lot of you were expecting to see.  I often feel that when I tell people what we did for Keira, Lincoln, and Violet's first birthday, I leave them feeling a bit underwhelmed.  I think that's alright.  I tried really hard to consider what I wanted to accomplish by celebrating their first birthday and the only thing that kept coming to mind was "being with family."

As the kids are growing older right before our very eyes, I think a lot about what I want their childhood to be like.  I think if I were to describe my vision in one word it would be "simple."  I know that sounds odd.  I just want them to appreciate the joy of running through the sprinklers, riding their bicycles, reading books, and making snow ice cream.  I want them to understand that relationships trump things.  Every time.  I want them to feel loved always and I hope that they grow to be humble adults with giving hearts.

Goodbye, Lincoln and Keira!

Goodbye Violet!

And we're home!

Does anyone else hear the song "Ridin' Dirty" playing in their heads?

Adventures with Violet

I've been living as a single mother of one for almost two weeks now.  After the initial shock of losing her brother and sister, Violet adapted really quickly.  She's a smart chick; it didn't take her long to realize that the absence of her brother and sister meant that she got complete undivided attention from everyone.  She is totally good with that.

The first week was a bit stressful because I was preparing for the movers to come pick up all of our things.  They came on Tuesday and began packing and by Thursday afternoon, they were out the door leaving me in an almost empty house with one child and three kitties.  A friend has brought over a twin bed for me to sleep in for the next month or so and Violet is sleeping in a Pack n' Play.  Other than that, we have a closet with our clothes and toys, toiletries, and a few kitchen items.  It's definitely bare bones living but, to be honest, it feels a little like freedom.  If anything, this experience is making me realize we have too dang much stuff.

Everything Violet owns for 6 weeks.

My cozy little room.  

Horse sheets to help me dream about my Old Kentucky Home.

Life with one?  Compared to the 2:3 parent to child ratio I'm accustomed to, 1:1 seems pretty great.  The first time I took Violet out of the house, I grabbed her and the diaper bag, got her loaded up in the car seat and walked back into the house to get the rest of the stuff.  There was no more stuff to get.  It totally threw me off making only one trip to the car and leaving.  One child is so much more portable than three.  It's absolutely amazing.

So far, we've been to the indoor water park at our gym (yes, our gym is amazing), I've  dropped her off at the gym daycare while I worked out, we tried mommy and me yoga, we walked around the neighborhood yard sale, and we had a girl's day shopping in Denver.  I've been trying to make the most of the part of my family that's here to help alleviate the pain of the three big pieces that are missing.

Girls' day out in Denver.  Lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.

Violet checking out the splash park.

Ready to play.  Thanks for the swimsuit, Nana!

The most amazing lemonade stand I've ever seen at our neighborhood yard sale.

One of the things I was most apprehensive about with all of this was taking Violet to day care for the first time.  The kids at home are being watched by a nanny (our neighbor's daughter) for the summer, but we couldn't afford a nanny in two places at once.  We are not made of money.  The on-base day care is very affordable, so I decided to enroll Violet there for six weeks.  The first day, I expected her to have a really difficult time watching me walk out the door.  Nope.  As soon as I took her in, she made a break for all of the toys and never looked back.  She is absolutely loving it.  That's kind of hard for me to accept.  Of course I want her to adjust well, but part of me also wants her to miss me so badly she can't function.  Healthy?  No.  But validating, for sure.  The most difficult part of day care for Violet is she won't nap because she's afraid she might miss something.  She pushes through the sleepiness all day long and when I finally pick her up in the afternoon, she's absolutely exhausted.

First day at day care.  Fascinated by the beach ball, uninterested in mom leaving.

The great thing is I can stop by at lunch because she is right down the road!

Remind me to hang a beach ball from the ceiling when I get back to Kentucky.

Meanwhile, Ryan is in Kentucky working two jobs, raising two kids alone, and working to get our house ready to move into every night.  I know he's absolutely exhausted.  If you're in Louisville, and would like to snuggle some babies on an evening or weekend, I know Ryan could really use some help.  Violet and I have only 4 weeks left before we join the rest of the Manning clan and 12 days until we arrive in Louisville for their 1st birthday reunion.  It's hard to believe that in less than two weeks we will have survived our first year of raising triplets.

Violet's first morning as an only child.

Sweet puppy.

Ready to run errands with mom.

Bath time is her favorite time.  

Veggie burgers and potatoes.  Dinner on the floor with mom.

What living with three cats and one piece of furniture looks like.

Loving her puffs!

Happy Saturday!

Taking full advantage of her toy collection.

A Little Wine and a Lot of Loneliness

Conventional wisdom would tell us that drinking and writing is, in general, a bad idea.  Aside from the obvious typos, the emotional regurgitation is difficult to suppress when you’re not in control of all of your faculties.  Alas, in my less than clear state of mind, I have decided to plug along and let whatever happens happen. 

I am sitting alone in the bed that I typically share with my husband with only a single child sleeping soundly on the other end of the hallway.  In the last month, the Manning family has made some heart-wrenching decisions in order to transition from military life to the civilian world.  As many of you know, I have spent the last few years serving my country as a dentist in the US Air Force.  Now that my commitment has ended, it’s time to be close to family and to begin the next chapter of our lives. 

My husband was fortunate to find a job opportunity in Louisville, KY that allows us to be near family for the foreseeable future.  The only problem is, the job begins about 6 weeks prior to my commitment with the military ending.  This created a logistical nightmare for the Manning family.  Working full time and taking care of infant triplets is not a task that I would wish on anyone.  In order to avoid the burn-out and sleep deprivation that would occur if one of us kept all three, we made the heavy-hearted decision to divide our family. 

Yesterday afternoon, I watched in tears as my husband and two of my children drove away.  I have been acting as a single mother of one for a little over 24 hours, and already my life feels like a hollow shell.  When I awoke this morning, I got Violet out of bed and changed her diaper as I heated up a bottle.  As soon as I put her on the floor, she crawled to Lincoln’s bed, pulled up on the crib slats, and began crying as she plopped herself on the floor.  She continued to cry as she crawled over to Keira’s bed and repeated the same check for her sister.  I watched in horror as my little girl’s heart broke.  She’s never known a life without her brother and sister. 

Without thinking, I scooped her up and crumpled up on the floor in tears.  We spent the next 10 minutes crying together on the floor, mourning the loss of our family.  A good mother probably would have been stronger than me and had the courage to put on a brave face and soothe her daughter.  Not me.  I felt every ounce of her pain and had no ability to hide it.  After we calmed ourselves, she drank her bottle and I poured my morning coffee.  According to our nanny, it sounded like we both muddled through our day rather pitifully.  Violet was inconsolable all day and I was distant to virtually everyone that I encountered.  Apparently, we’re not very good at letting go. 

I am counting the days (44) until I’m reunited permanently with the rest of my family.  Until then, Violet and I are going to have to learn to be a twosome.  It’s funny.  I thought that after all the experiences that I’ve had in my 30 plus years of life that I understood heartbreak and disappointment.  I didn’t know the half of it until now. 

One of the only pictures of me with all three.  

Lincoln has his daddy's handsome smile.

The Manning Family

Ryan with Lincoln, Keira, and Violet

Our girls, Keira and Violet.

Keira, Lincoln, and Violet. 

I'm so lucky to be married to this man.  

The jumper is one of Miss Keira's favorite things.

Playtime with daddy for Violet and Lincoln.

A private concert with their nanny.

Testing out the new play mat.

Violet with her crazy hair.

Lincoln loving his blocks.

Keira, my little book lover.  Love that the book is upside down.

Sweet Keira.

Something surprising happened to Cuddly Kitten.

Keira takes her studies very seriously.

The babies and their play gyms.

Dueling pianists, Lincoln and Keira.

Playing peacefully together.

Out for a walk.  Violet is not amused.

Busy babies.

Baby jail!

First time gated in.  Lincoln and Violet aren't sure.  Keira loves it.  

Violet and Keira playing together in the jumperoo.

Lincoln and Keira leaving for Kentucky.