False Alarm (Sort of)

It is 4:22 am in Colorado Springs and there is no sleep happening in this lonely hospital room.  I genuinely can't think of a time in my life when I've been more miserable than I am at this moment.  I definitely have preeclampsia, which means my blood pressure is elevated and there is protein in my urine.  This leads to some rather unpleasant secondary symptoms.  For instance, my feet and legs are so swollen that they are completely unrecognizable.  My knees are so fluid-filled that I am unable to bend them and as a result have to be walked to the bathroom like an elderly lady.  I have a round-the-clock headache that is being managed with medication.  Unfortunately, the medication doesn't begin working until about 30 minutes after I take it and begins to wear off approximately 2 hours later.  This would be great if I could take it like candy, but I am only able to have one every 4 hours.  For those math buffs out there, that means that I spend approximately half of my day with an excruciating headache waiting around for medication.

Currently, I am waiting for the clock to hit 6:00 am so I can have blood drawn to determine whether my blood values of various things are high enough to warrant going ahead with a c-section.  So far, they have been borderline, which makes me absolutely miserable, but does not require delivery of the babies.  

Right now, I find myself in this really uncomfortable situation between wanting the babies out in order to regain my own comfort and leaving them in so they can develop just slightly further.  I wish I was one of those absolutely selfless mothers who could sit here and say to myself, "It's all for the babies, so it's worth it."  Really, I'm so absolutely miserable that I don't feel that way at all.  I spend so much of my time laying here with tears of pain in my eyes that it's the only thing that I can think about.  I've known a handful of women with preeclampsia, and all have arrived at the hospital in misery and were immediately delivered.  I'm the first person I know personally  that has had to sit here in this limbo.  I don't recommend it to anyone.  

At this point, the babies have had their steroids and enough time has passed that the steroids should have reached a point of efficacy (48 hours after the last dosage).  The steroids last about two weeks, so if they keep me here at the hospital for that amount of time, they will have to redo that whole process.  Otherwise, we're just waiting for something to get out of control with my own health before then.  Those things include a blood pressure of 160/110 (I'm holding strong at 158/94), an excruciating headache (apparently mine is still considered manageable with medication--not sure I feel that way), or distress for one or more of the babies (of which they are experiencing none).  If you look at the stats, I am borderline on absolutely every single one of them which means that instead of enduring one intense symptom, I have all of them pretty badly.  

I have about 45 minutes left until they come around to draw my blood again.  Until then, I continue my nightly food and water fast just in case they proceed with surgery tomorrow morning.  Usually this requires me to wait until about 10:00 am for a chat with the doctor that says, "I don't think you're at your breaking point just yet."  Then I order food and wait an hour for it to arrive.  Meanwhile, I'm going on about 14 hours without food or liquid intake.  

Maybe I'm just weak, but all I really want is for these babies to be born.  At this stage, their prognosis would be pretty darn good.  Not that it wouldn't be without it's challenges.  Right now, we have no choice but to sit and wait to see what happens.  We will do our best to keep everyone updated, but please don't be offended if we don't respond to every single email and text message. We have a lot going on right now waiting out this emotional roller coaster and we don't always have the answers nor the emotional capacity to answer even when we do.