Loving the Manning Triplets: Falling in Love

I am sitting here in the NICU with Keira sound asleep on my lap as I type. It is amazing to think that if events had happened differently, I would be having the babies by scheduled C-section today at just over 35 weeks gestation. Looking at these three, I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like to have them still inside of my belly. As of last night, Keira weighed 5 lbs, Lincoln was 4 lbs 15 oz, and Violet was 3 lbs 14 oz. If they had spent the last 5 weeks in the womb, they would be even larger. Let's take a moment to bow in reverence to the triplet mommies who carry their babies to 35 weeks and beyond. *Silence*

The last 5 weeks has been an interesting journey for me. The first couple of weeks after they were born, I was concentrating on my own recovery. The next couple of weeks, I was selfishly enjoying my freedom. I could move again and felt like I had 24/7 babysitters at the NICU. Three babies and no responsibilities. The day after the one month mark, out of nowhere, I broke down in tears on the way home from the hospital. Why had I been so carefree for an entire month and now I was so upset? It occurred to me that up until that point, I hadn't fallen in love just yet.

I must admit that when I first saw the babies in the operating room there was no angel chorus or beam of light that shown from heaven as I fell instantly in love with my new little miracles. Instead, I was surrounded by chaos and confusion. More than a full day later when I saw them for the first time covered in tubes and wires and trapped in incubators, it was difficult to feel any kind of real connection to them. In fact, I don't think the bonding process truly began until I was able to hold them. Even then, it was slow. I could only hold them at certain times and for certain periods. It's only been within the last week or so as they've begun eating from bottles and are sturdy enough that I can pick them up whenever I want that I've felt able to truly connect. I think the tears as I left the hospital that day were the first sign of me falling crazy in love with my children.

As I become increasingly attached to my babies with each passing day, it becomes more and more difficult for me to leave them at the hospital. It looks like it will be another 2-3 weeks before I will be able to bring them home. They have a few milestones that they must hit first. They have to be eating all of their food from a bottle. Currently, they eat a little more than half and get the other half by gastric tube. Sometimes they eat a whole bottle, sometimes part of a bottle and other times they sleep through feedings. They are getting gradually better at it. Keira is our best eater followed by Lincoln, then Violet. Violet is still pretty small, so she has a tendency to wear herself out and fall asleep while eating. Also, they have to go five consecutive days without any monitor activity (no heart rate slowing or pauses in breathing). Right now, Violet has the least monitor activity followed by Lincoln, then Keira. Keira has reflux, so she has a tendency to hold her breath when she gets uncomfortable and that leads to lowered oxygen saturation and a blip on the monitor. Her reflux is getting better day by day as she gets stronger and the doctors think it will be gone or very mild by the time she comes home. It should be interesting to see who comes home first.