Loving the Manning Triplets: Balance

This last month, I have worked really hard at healing after our first IVF failure. I've spent many hours engrossed in deep journaling; putting my thoughts on paper has always helped me to sort things out. I've spent time appreciating my husband and working to make our already strong bond stronger. I've put a heavy focus on bringing fitness back into my life and have been reaping the rewards. And I have found solace in prayer that I have not experienced in a very long time. Finally, I feel content with everything that has happened and everything that is yet to come.

Yesterday, I spent the morning shopping for gifts for babies that have recently come into our lives or who are about to enter this world. In the afternoon, I attended a lovely baby shower for a former co-worker and realized that I felt absolutely no jealousy, only joy. I cannot say that I would have felt this way at any other time over the past year. Emotionally, I am in a place that I have wanted to be in for a very long time.

Perhaps, the reason that God put me through everything that I have experienced thus far is so that I could get to this place. I no longer spend my time obsessing oveer the one part of my life that is missing. Instead, I am enjoying all of the blessings that I already have. I am excited about our December embryo transfer. I am certainly hopeful, but I have learned that making it the singular focus of my life is not only completely draining, it is also emotional sabotage. I need more balance.

I would say, if I am going to do one major thing different this time around, it would be that I am not going to obsess over the transfer as if it is the only thing going on in my life. Last time, I read books, participated in forums, shopped for my future baby, and, in general, let every other aspect of my life slide. This time, I will continue to pray, but also keep in mind the importance of maintaining my physical and emotional health as well as my relationships. In my opinion, it is extremely important for a mother and father to be balanced in order to raise a balanced child. Balance is my goal this cycle.