5 Weeks and Counting

Today I am exactly 5 weeks pregnant.  Even though we can't be certain what the final number of babies will be, I've been living life as if I'm pregnant with multiples.  That means increasing my vitamin intake significantly.  I take a cocktail of about 15 pills everyday including multiple prenatal vitamins, fish oil, folic acid, magnesium, and probiotics.  In addition to that I'm still supplementing progesterone  and estrogen throughout the first trimester.  I still feel every bit the infertility patient because of it.

My diet is also baby-centric.  I'm eating almost all organic now (which is, admittedly, tough on the pocket book).  I try really hard to get enough iron and calcium in my diet and am putting a heavy focus on protein.  I am also going to acupuncture once a week, and may increase to twice a week if multiples are confirmed.  I tried to enroll in prenatal yoga, but they prefer that you wait until the end of your first trimester before beginning.  I am still doing regular Yoga, but I've switched from Power to Restorative classes and I'm also keeping the Pilates reformer classes going.  My Pilates instructor is really good about helping me modify for pregnancy and I really like that.

So far, everybody is surprised that I haven't already gotten morning sickness because all of my hormone levels are so sky-high.  I hope that it is related to everything that I'm doing with vitamins, diet, acupuncture, and exercise and that I can keep it manageable, if not avoid it entirely.  I know that multiple pregnancies can be very difficult, and I am hoping that I get to be the exception to that rather than the rule.

As far as symptoms I am experiencing, I still have a crazy strong sense of smell and it's getting more pronounced every day.  Ryan came home from skiing yesterday, and I gave him a big hug and almost choked on the smell of sweat.  I'm a little nervous about going to volunteer at the Humane Society today because of all of the smells.  Hopefully it's not too bad.  I am also starting to notice the fatigue.  I get tired more quickly than normal.  When I went in for the ultrasound, Dr. Magarelli came in and specifically told me not to try to power through it.  He said, "I know your type, and you have to trust me on this.  You won't be able to do as much as you are used to doing."  So far, those are the only symptoms I'm having.  I'm sure more are on the way.

I'm glad to have had the first several days of my pregnancy off from work so I could establish a routine.      I've also had a chance to do a lot of reading and studying which puts me at ease.  I like to feel in control, and being educated about what is going on inside my body helps me to do that.  I know that I'm probably going overboard, but when you've worked this hard to get pregnant, you don't want to leave anything to chance.  As an infertility patient, it's hard not to view pregnancy as a series of hurdles.  Positive pregnancy test, confirmation of implantation, heartbeat, first trimester, etc.  I am making an effort to just enjoy it when I can.  I just wish that part came more naturally.

Nothing Definitive

I was thinking that I would go in today and they would be like, "There are definitely X babies in there."  It wasn't quite so cut and dry.  We went into the ultrasound room, I disrobed, and then they began the ultrasound.  The nurse technician was able to find where all three embryos had implanted.  That is the reason that my beta number was so high.  Don't get excited yet, that doesn't necessarily mean triplets.

Basically, one of the embryos looks ideal, one is average, and one is several days behind in development.  With her 15 years of experience, the nurse thought it was unlikely that the third embryo would make it much further.  The fact of the matter is that you can't really consider it a success until you see a heartbeat.  That happens at about 7 weeks gestation. Today I am 4 weeks and 5 days, so 2 weeks and 2 days to go.

I have another ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday.  That will give us a better idea of whether or not that third embryo is simply behind the other two in development, or if it has stopped growing entirely. The good news is that none of them have shown signs of splitting, so we are looking at a maximum of three.

So, I guess we're not picking out nursery furniture yet.  All we know right now is that we are having equal to or less than three babies.  It's funny how when you're sitting there, looking at the ultrasound, you become emotionally invested in the babies that are inside of you.  Ryan and I have talked at length about the fact that we would be most happy with twins.  But, as I sat there, looking at the struggling embryo, I wanted so badly for it to thrive.  Here I am, scared to death we're going to lose this poor embryo, and having triplets is not even something that we wanted.  It's still not something we want, but I can't help pulling for the underdog.

Here I am, only 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant--at this point a lot of women don't even realize they are expecting--and I am getting emotionally attached to these black dots on a screen.  I know it's not just the dots, it's what they represent.  A chance for a family.  A chance for a legacy with children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  It's a really big deal.  So, what we need now is some rest and some focused prayer.  May we be blessed with the exact number of children we were meant to have.

These are our strongest two.  The third is underneath them and we couldn't get a good picture.  

What?!?

Today was the date of our first blood test to check my levels of HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin).  It is basically a growth hormone produced during pregnancy and it is measured with something called a "beta number."  The higher the beta number, the more HCG you have floating around in your system.

I went in this morning for the blood draw on base.  The base laboratory called the on-call nurse at Dr. Magarelli's office and she called me around noon with the results.  The conversation went something like this:

Cecilia:  Congratulations!  You're definitely pregnant!
Me:  That's fantastic, do you know what the beta number is?
Cecilia:  Of course, we always get the number.
Me:  What is it?
Cecilia:  3,100
Me:  Isn't that really high?
Cecilia:  Well, it's not too high.  We'd like to schedule an early ultrasound for you on Friday.
Me:  Like, this Friday?  Two days from now?
Cecilia:  Yes.
Me:  Isn't that very early for the ultrasound?
Cecilia:  We thought getting you in as soon as possible was a good idea.  Is Friday at 10:00 alright?

So, just in case you need a frame of reference, at this stage after an embryo transfer a beta number of 3,100 is stupid high.  On the up side, we will know on Friday how many babies we have in there.  On the down side, they have me genuinely worried about how many munchkins we might be having.  The most shocking thing they could say to us on Friday is, "Looks like you have ONE healthy baby in there."

Today, I called my best friend Jenny to tell her that I was freaking out about how many babies I might have in my belly.  Worst case scenario, if all three split, we could end up with sextuplets.  You know what she said?  "I hope you have so many that you get your own show on TLC."  Thank you for the support, Jenny.

Wandering Mind on Christmas Eve

Ever since I found out we were expecting, I've been a little bit nervous that it's not going to last.  This is especially true because I'm so early in the pregnancy.  Just 4 weeks and 1 day to be exact.  There's a reason that people are advised not to tell others until the end of the first trimester.  Not to mention, I'm so early that I don't even feel pregnant yet.  I get the occasional twinge, and I have a wicked sense of smell, but that's it.  Usually morning sickness and whatnot doesn't come on until about the sixth week.

This morning I woke up and took a home pregnancy test just to make sure that I was still pregnant.  Here are the results:

So, not only was the test positive, but the pregnancy line was actually darker than the control.  There's no doubt about it, I'm still pregnant.  On Wednesday and Friday, I go in for blood tests, so I'll get that much more reassurance about the fact that we're going to have a baby.

One of my first impulses when I found out I was pregnant was to begin getting ready for our baby (or babies).  The problem with trying to get ready is that I have no idea how many I'm getting ready for.  I don't know whether I'll be able to use the stroller my brother let me borrow, or if I'll need a double or triple stroller.  How many cribs will we need?  We don't even know which bedroom to start preparing.  Will we be able to use the smaller one or will we have to use the larger one to have enough space?

Being the bargain shopper that I am, I have to hold off on all of the goodies until we have an exact number.  Then, after I collect the basics, I'll have to hold off again until we find out what flavors they are.  There is so much waiting involved; it's tough.  For now, I'm just researching as much as I can.  I've almost finished "What to Expect When You're Expecting", and then I'll be into reading "Eating Well When You're Expecting."  I've subscribed to "Fit Pregnancy" magazine, let my Pilates instructor know to help me modify my routine, and after the holidays, I'm going to sign up for Prenatal Yoga.

I think my biggest fear with twins or triplets is not at all related to managing them after they are born.  I'm a pretty organized gal and I rarely get stressed out or upset; I was practically designed for this type of challenge. Not to mention, my husband is amazing. My biggest fear is that I won't carry them to term and then I'll have to see my sweet angels in incubators in the NICU.  That terrifies me.  I recently had a close friend have a baby at 31 weeks (who is thankfully a healthy, thriving little boy), but hearing about her journey made me think, "I don't know if I could do what she did."  I know that having multiples puts you at a much higher risk for preterm labor, and, to me, that is the most frightening part. Anyway, we don't even know if that will be an issue, so I'm kind of putting the proverbial cart before the horse.

Merry Christmas and God bless.

The End of the World (As We Know It)

To be honest, I was a little irritated that my test results were going to be pushed back for the holidays.  I thought I might take a home pregnancy test, but then I decided that I would abuse my power as a healthcare professional and have a coworker order an early blood test for me today (a big thank you to Dr. Pack!)

This morning after I saw my first patient, I rushed to the hospital to have my blood drawn.  As soon as I got back to the clinic, I began compulsively checking for the lab results on the base medical system.  Exactly 1 hour and 8 minutes after I had my blood drawn the results changed from pending to completed.

I took a deep breath and hit enter.  The next thing I saw was the word POSITIVE in all capital letters.  I jumped up out of my chair and started clapping.  I ran down the hall and started calling my family.  Shortly thereafter, I went into the ladies locker room and cried tears of joy.  The rest of the day was really lovely.  Nothing could bring me down.

The high hasn't worn off yet.  I am still so happy I can hardly stand it.  After all of the needles, pills, and heartbreak, we are finally expecting a baby (or three).  I know there is still a long road ahead and a lot of hurdles to jump, but that doesn't make the excitement any less.

So what's next for the Manning's?  We have two blood tests coming up on Wednesday the 26th and Friday the 28th.  They are going to tell us our "beta numbers" which is a measure of HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropins) in the body.  What we are hoping is that those numbers at least double over a 48 hour period.  That is an indicator of a viable pregnancy.  After that, we will have our first ultrasound around January 9th or 10th and we will find out then how many babies are in there.

For now, I'm going to go hang out with my Baby Daddy and then read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" until I fall asleep.  Goodnight to all and may your holidays be as wonderful as ours will most certainly be.  Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers, it made all of the difference.

The Waiting Game

I don't know how to describe the wait other than to say that it has become excruciating.  It has been five days since the embryo transfer and I am still nine days away from knowing what is happening with my body.  At this point last time, I was breaking my heart daily with negative home pregnancy tests.  I believe I started testing at three days after the transfer when I saw that one of the girls on the forum I was following got her positive result that early.

The problem with home pregnancy tests is that once you open that floodgate, it's hard to stop yourself from taking them over and over again.  I don't think I can promise that I won't succumb to the temptation to use one, but not having any in the house sure is helping.  Tonight after my shower, I intentionally put on pajamas and left my hair wet to keep myself from running to the store.  A little crazy town?  Maybe.  But it worked.  

Enjoying bed rest.  New Jimmy Choo's came in the mail and I was so excited I wore them in bed!

I've definitely been feeling more symptoms than I did last time, but that could always be attributed to medication or to a very active imagination.  Here's what I've noticed so far.  On Saturday night, I stood up from the couch and it felt like I had done about a thousand crunches.  I hadn't worked out since Monday, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't residual soreness from that.  The past couple of days, mostly today, I've been noticing a slight cramping.  I would describe it (for the ladies who know what I'm talking about), as the period cramps you feel that signal you that more painful cramps are on the way.  Nothing has been painful or even uncomfortable, just noticeable.  Also, I've had a seriously heightened sense of smell.  Today, a lady came into my office to use the microwave.  Guess what she was heating up?  A hard boiled egg.  First of all, who does that?  Secondly, I had to leave my own office to escape the stench.  I couldn't handle it.  

I realize that these symptoms could very well be the result of medication side effects and magical thinking, but they sure do feel real to me.  I think the only good thing about not knowing, is that I get to enjoy thinking I'm pregnant for just a little bit longer, no matter what the outcome is.  

The current Manning children.  

The future Manning children.  Love them already.  

Possibly Pregnant

Right now, I am two days past the embryo transfer.  Those of you who I haven't spoken to already are probably wondering how it went.  The short answer is that it went very well.  On Wednesday, we arrived at the office right on time (which, for those of you that know Ryan and I, you know that is a huge success in and of itself).  The office wasn't very busy and it seemed like only my favorite nurses and techs were there.

We were taken back quickly and changed into our operating room garb.  I did a little dancing and singing to Britney Spears "Toxic" and took some Valium.  Shortly after, Dr. Magarelli came in to discuss how the embryo thaw went and to help us make a decision on how many embryos to transfer back in.  As you may know, we had four embryos remaining after our last transfer.  All four of them thawed, but one was not showing signs of continued growth, so it was not a viable option for transfer.  That left us with three Grade B embryos.  Dr. Magarelli said, "If you're alright with it, I'd like to transfer all three."

Next thing I know, we were signing on the dotted line and being directed back to the operatory for the procedure.  Everything went really smoothly.  It was much less crowded this time around, which was good.  Before the procedure, my bladder has to be completely full because a full bladder helps push things around so they can put the embryos back where they want them to be.  Probably the worst torture in the world for me is needing to go to the bathroom and having to hold it.  Just ask my brother; I was miserable on long car trips as a child and he used to torment me relentlessly about my delicate bladder.  When the procedure is over, they ask you to lay there for 15 minutes before getting up.  Last time, I tried to grin and bear it and was absolutely miserable until they brought me a bed pan.  This time, I asked for the bed pan right away then drifted off to sleep.

After we changed and they wheeled me out to the car in a wheelchair, we headed over to the acupuncturist for a treatment.  For some reason, they gave me two Valium this time instead of one.  I was one relaxed little girl.  At the acupuncturist's office, they gave me some hot packs around my neck and feet and I dozed off before they even finished putting in the needles.  Going from the acupuncturist to home is a long sleepy blur followed by a four hour Valium nap.  At around 7:00 that night, I began to become a little more lucid and decided to check my phone and the internet.  Guess what?  Internet was down.

I guess God truly does work in mysterious ways.  The internet can be a very insidious thing, and last time around, it truly aided in driving me insane.  I googled symptoms and shopped for baby things, and researched parenting methodologies.  This time, that wasn't even an option.  From the time I got home until now, I've spent time reading, watching some Disney movies, and journaling.  It's really been a lovely couple of days of bed rest.  Now, I'm at a coffee shop borrowing the internet and relaxing outside of the house a little bit.  Don't worry, I'm not having any caffeine.  In a few minutes, I will be off to get a little acupuncture, then wrapping and scrapbooking for the rest of the afternoon and weekend.

I am very content right now with the little Manning triplets floating around inside me.  I don't even have any of those blasted pregnancy tests in the house.  We are scheduled for a blood test on December 26th.  What a lovely Boxing Day gift!  As far as transferring three embryos instead of two, I supposed that we just have to trust that God won't give us more than we can handle.  Will check back again soon with pictures when we get our internet going again at the house.  Hoping that your holiday season is lovely.

12/12/12

Today is the day!  For some reason, 12/12/12 is feeling very lucky to me right now. This cycle feels absolutely nothing like last time around.  I suppose that's a good thing, because last time it didn't work.

I spent last night lounging in the bathtub, drinking a glass of red wine (presumably my last one for several months), and reading the November issue of Vogue.  This is in absolute stark contrast to last time when I was running around trying to make the house perfect for bed-rest and absolutely studying everything "baby" I could find.  I think I may have driven myself a little nutso.

In the time between transfers, I really have been focusing on myself and my relationship with my husband.  I've been eating healthy and working out a lot.  I've even gotten into Pilates reformer classes that I absolutely love.  After all of the nasty hormones and depressed eating of the last cycle, it's nice to see my body finally changing back to what it was before.  I'm not gonna lie, I'll be a little disappointed to see the belly start growing after all of this work, but if I keep on the healthy track I am hoping I will be able to bounce back at the end.  I've also been journaling, praying, and reading.  These are all things that help soothe my soul and make me feel really good.

This time I am going to do bed rest a little differently.  Focusing on being pregnant and thinking about babies the whole time was maddening.  I am still planning to spend today and tomorrow on bed rest, but my entertainment is going to be a little bit different.  I have a manual to go through for my new iPhone and another Disney biography (I've already read a couple) to devour.  After that, I am going to spend the next couple of days on modified bed rest in my happy corner.  Can't wait!

My room!  Cozy and clean!  Ready for bed rest.

Entertainment for the two days.  iPad, iPod, computer, books, and journal. 

My happy place!  Every 11-year-old girl's dream.  Don't plan on growing up.  Ever.

Can't wait to catch up on some scrapbooking! 

On Saturday night, Ryan and I got all dressed up and went out on a date.  We talked and laughed and had a wonderful time.  There was a moment, when I was sitting across from him and he was smiling his big, beautiful smile and I thought, "I am the luckiest girl in the world."  I can't wait for this next chapter to begin.  The transfer officially happens at 1:30 today.  That's 3:30 Eastern time for the followers in KY.  If you find a moment, and your heart leads you there, say a little prayer for the Manning family.  We would really appreciate it.

3 Days Left

Geez, oh Pete!  This transfer has really snuck up on me.  Only three days left until it happens and I've been so wrapped up in Christmas that I haven't even had much time to think about it.  It's hard to believe, after being so obsessed last time, that I would even be capable of being this nonchalant about the whole thing.

Since my last post, I've had two doctor's appointments with blood work and ultrasounds.  They both went swimmingly.  I would have blogged about it, but I didn't think "everything is normal" was really worth writing home about.  My estrogen levels have been sufficiently high this time around (that was the big scare last frozen embryo transfer), my uterine lining is trilaminar (it has three distinct layers) and it is nice and thick (a good bed for embryos to snuggle into).

Also, as promised, I made acupuncture appointments for the day before and the day of the transfer.  It's kind of the bear minimum, but I dislike acupuncture so much that I thought it was probably the appropriate regimen for me.  At least I'm getting back in there.

So far, everything has been very easy and it's all going according to plan.  The biggest concern at this point is how well our embryos will thaw, and that's completely out of our control.  I think that having survived a failed cycle, I am much better at managing my expectations.  I have seen failure, so I'm not as naive.  I think the way to describe how I'm feeling is cautiously optimistic.

At this point, if it doesn't work for us, I am ready to call it quits.  However, I don't think Ryan is quite there yet.  He wants to keep going until we have used all of our embryos, at least.  I'm beginning to think that this whole thing is effecting him more than it is me.  My husband is a very competitive, hard-working person and he has never met a challenge he couldn't surmount with a little bit of perseverance.  He seems so certain that this cycle is going to be a success, that I worry about how broken his heart will be if it is not.  I think that seeing him hurting will be the hardest part of a failure at this point.  I pray that we don't have to go through that.