I Feel Like a Science Experiement

Today was a big day in terms of appointments for fertility.  I started out in Dr. Magarelli's office for some testing.  First thing on the agenda was blood work.  The phlebotomist looked at my paperwork and then started saying to herself, "Two tiger stripes, one pink, one purple, one red, and one blue."  She pulled a pile of vials out of a drawer and I said to her, "Are those all for me?"  She said, "Yes, but it's only two tablespoons for each vial, it's not that much."  Not that much?  I did the conversion when I got home and six vials at two tablespoons each is 3/4 of a cup.  In my book, that's a lot of blood.  Not to mention a lot of testing.

These vials are going to be sent off to a lab where they will punch my age and hormone levels into a magical algorithm to come up with what's known as an Ovarian Reserve score.  This is supposed to estimate the number of eggs I will produce.  1-5 is low, 6-10 is moderate, 11-15 is good and 16-20 is excellent.  I'm hoping for a good grade.

After the vampire attack, I headed to a room for a physical and an ultrasound.  The physical wasn't much.  Blood pressure, pulse, temp, follow my finger with your eyes and don't move your head.  I did well.  Then it was time for the ultrasound and the nurse handed me a sheet and said, "Undress from the waist down."  What?  I had envisioned cold goop on my belly.  Apparently not.  It was a vaginal ultrasound.  Ick.

When I sufficiently undressed, she came back and inserted a lubricated wand into my lady parts.  Honestly, getting a pap smear is much worse.  It was more awkward than anything else.  She then proceeded to take me on a guided tour of my own reproductive system.  It was actually pretty neat.  When it was all over, I was given a prescription for birth control so my system could be put on their schedule and I made about 10 follow-up appointments for the coming weeks.

Next, it was on to my acupuncture appointment.  I went over my medical history with the doctor then did a balance treatment.   I was really excited about starting acupuncture.  I had this vision of myself lying peacefully in a room feeling blissfully relaxed.  Not the case.  Almost every needle they put in me created an uncomfortable electrical sensation and some of those sensations persisted throughout the entire 30 minute session.  I was NOT relaxed.  The next session this Friday they begin the pre-IVF protocol.  It involves putting electrical currents through the little needles.  I'm freaking terrified.