8 Days After the Transfer

I haven't been writing on the blog because if I actually wrote how I felt each day, then everyone would think I was completely schizophrenic.  One day, I'm so certain that I'm pregnant that I'm picking out cribs and downloading relaxing music to play in the nursery.  The next day, I'm devastated, crying in the shower and devising Plan B.  If I were to post every thought that I had, I am sure that when I finally had a baby someone would come and take it away.

Today I am officially 8 days past a 5 day transfer.  I used to find some solace in an online forum filled with other women who were going through Frozen Embryo Transfers during the month of September.  Yes, the forums really do get that specific.  I was certainly surprised.  Anyhow, after the transfers, many of the women started taking home pregnancy tests.  As early as 4 days after their transfers, these women were getting that second pink line.  The majority of the ladies who did transfers the day after I did have already gotten positive results.

I took my very own home pregnancy test this morning.  It was the most sensitive test on the market.  I got a big fatty fat negative.  I can't help feeling completely discouraged and heartbroken.  The official blood test is on Monday,  but I feel pretty certain that I have my answer.  I know there is still a glimmer of hope, but I don't want to bank on it.  Only a handful of women get a positive blood test with a negative home pregnancy test this late in the game.

If, in fact, I turn out not to be pregnant, here is a list of things to never, ever say to me.
Keep in mind I have already heard all of these in one way or another:

1)  Just relax and maybe it will happen naturally.
2)  Enjoy the freedom of life without kids.
3)  There's always next time (unless you're willing to pay for it next time, then you can say it).
4)  Maybe you weren't meant to have children.
5)  My personal favorite:  You can always just adopt.