Wandering Mind on Christmas Eve

Ever since I found out we were expecting, I've been a little bit nervous that it's not going to last.  This is especially true because I'm so early in the pregnancy.  Just 4 weeks and 1 day to be exact.  There's a reason that people are advised not to tell others until the end of the first trimester.  Not to mention, I'm so early that I don't even feel pregnant yet.  I get the occasional twinge, and I have a wicked sense of smell, but that's it.  Usually morning sickness and whatnot doesn't come on until about the sixth week.

This morning I woke up and took a home pregnancy test just to make sure that I was still pregnant.  Here are the results:

So, not only was the test positive, but the pregnancy line was actually darker than the control.  There's no doubt about it, I'm still pregnant.  On Wednesday and Friday, I go in for blood tests, so I'll get that much more reassurance about the fact that we're going to have a baby.

One of my first impulses when I found out I was pregnant was to begin getting ready for our baby (or babies).  The problem with trying to get ready is that I have no idea how many I'm getting ready for.  I don't know whether I'll be able to use the stroller my brother let me borrow, or if I'll need a double or triple stroller.  How many cribs will we need?  We don't even know which bedroom to start preparing.  Will we be able to use the smaller one or will we have to use the larger one to have enough space?

Being the bargain shopper that I am, I have to hold off on all of the goodies until we have an exact number.  Then, after I collect the basics, I'll have to hold off again until we find out what flavors they are.  There is so much waiting involved; it's tough.  For now, I'm just researching as much as I can.  I've almost finished "What to Expect When You're Expecting", and then I'll be into reading "Eating Well When You're Expecting."  I've subscribed to "Fit Pregnancy" magazine, let my Pilates instructor know to help me modify my routine, and after the holidays, I'm going to sign up for Prenatal Yoga.

I think my biggest fear with twins or triplets is not at all related to managing them after they are born.  I'm a pretty organized gal and I rarely get stressed out or upset; I was practically designed for this type of challenge. Not to mention, my husband is amazing. My biggest fear is that I won't carry them to term and then I'll have to see my sweet angels in incubators in the NICU.  That terrifies me.  I recently had a close friend have a baby at 31 weeks (who is thankfully a healthy, thriving little boy), but hearing about her journey made me think, "I don't know if I could do what she did."  I know that having multiples puts you at a much higher risk for preterm labor, and, to me, that is the most frightening part. Anyway, we don't even know if that will be an issue, so I'm kind of putting the proverbial cart before the horse.

Merry Christmas and God bless.